holes

we have holes in our lives. holes composed of our own suffering. holes made by others, holes self-inflicted upon ourselves. holes created from misdeeds, mistakes, happenstance. holes borne in sorrow, shame, anger, anguish, frustration, regret. holes so many, so large, so deep, so painful, we feel our lives run through with them, until we are more empty than we are substance.

they take their toll. a few more than others.

our instinct is to fix them. heal them. fill them in.

so that they don't hurt us again. so that the road ahead and behind and before us can be made clear. in the knowledge that the world around us was is will can be should be must be made right.

thing is, they can't be filled. not all of them. there are too many. too large. too deep. and no matter how much we care, no matter how much we try, the reality is that they will always be there. and the longer we stay to fill them, the more they'll consume our lives. they'll consume all of it.

and then want more.

and the reality will be that they will always be there.

because the world around us was is will never be right. because reality is a race of life, and no reality no race no life is ever perfect, and no reality no race no life is ever right.

even as much as we try to make it so.

in the end, all you can do is to accept them as markers in your life. milestones. signposts. of lessons learned. of experiences earned. of places you have been.

maybe you can fill in the ones that can be filled. but the rest...the rest are for someone or something or some god to resolve in some way sometime somewhere. somehow.

and then the best thing you can do, the one thing you must do, is to move on.

because there's a reality to confront.

because there's a race to finish.

because there's a life to live.

and they all can be should be must be made right.