Saturday, March 20, 2010

playlist: lost out again

i'm not going to talk about much here, because there's just not that much worth talking about.

i dropped out of Ironman St. George. yeah. i did. race day 6 weeks away.

i'm dropping out for the same reason any man ever drops out of a race he's been training for over the past few months. i just wasn't feeling it. lacking motivation. how so? for the same reason any man ever loses motivation: woman.

yeah, i know, i shouldn't allow someone to have this kind of impact on my life. but if you've ever been in my situation, you know what i'm talking about.

she forced her way into my life and asked that i believe in her. and i did. but then when i needed her the most, when i needed someone who believed in me just as much as i believed in her, she left. once she got what she wanted, she left. she lied all along. she led me on. i could use words like selfish, dishonest, malicious, but right now, they don't really help.

yeah, i know, at least now i know the truth, and can move on. but if you've ever been in my situation, you know how it feels to have something you thought was real turn out to be false.

it hurts. deep. in ways you can't really describe. and it's really hard to move on when you've had your faith taken from you.

so no, no Ironman for now. i guess i'll make it to my brother's wedding a little bit earlier than i thought. and get to remind myself there of what i've lost.

it's a sad day.

see? not much worth talking about. i guess i'll leave some songs for thought. and try to find my way back to life.

jack's mannequin, resolution: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmIhKF1BqCg

daphne loves derby, the longest story: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBCa53bObeI

joshua radin, closer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wcZJWCK1Kc

dashboard confessional, screaming infidelities: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLapP04xtJU

tyler hilton, missing you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YlW1CT8I8U

isley brothers, this old heart of mine: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yiOqTG9Nno

james blunt, same mistake: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdJOUZgeKV0

i9, 7 days of lonely: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9wWW9tSEGM

the broken hearts academy, next to me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4jOtFzuRtw

daphne loves derby, heartbreak for 6 seasons: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNA0t48Jwv4

e for explosion, reinvent the heartbeat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbmkAf4MxmQ

jack's mannequin, mixed tape: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-HV5m75I4s

5 comments:

Bob Almighty said...

Ouch dude. If you need anything shoot me an email at BobbyDoogs@hotmail.com I would say facebook but my home internet's been flukey but I can always access my email at work.

Hang in there bro.

Roger said...

it happens and its never pretty. But you can't let it bring you down. Remember you were single and HAPPY before her and you will be happy or at least content again. Music's a good way to vent, but maybe you'll keep working out to vent frustrations....maybe not as intense since you won't be racing, but go out on a run or ride and see the beauty of the beach and the Santa Monica Mountains. Accomplishing a long ride and some of the amazing landscapes may help you put things in perspective...it does for me.

Keep your head up.

jonathan starlight said...

yeah, thanks guys. it's hard when you find out that the other person never respected you.

Susietri said...

Random comment from a random stranger but why would you let her take that race from you? Sounds like she's already taken enough.

Adam Culp (Crazy Floridian) said...

Wow, that is a shame. Sounds like you really need a good race to clear yourself up. What better way to beat anything than to accomplish something?

Tough love ahead...get off your butt and beat the memories out of yourself!