Sunday, November 14, 2010

that sinking feeling

you ever get that sinking feeling? that things are piling up, and that the waters are rising? that try as you might, you're falling behind, and getting nowhere, and getting farther beneath the surface, and drowning?

we all get those times. the times when we're overwhelmed. the times when things are just too much. the times when we get a sudden dawning, crushing, horrifying realization of our own limitations and our own mortality and our own insignificance in the face of everything that is in front of us...and just when we get our heads above water, another wave comes out of nowhere and crashes down on us.

at those times, we learn that no matter how strong or fast or smart we are, no matter how much energy or effort we expend, we're not just in danger of not moving forward; we're in danger of not staying afloat.

and at those times, we understand that there's no comfort in thinking about the past and there's not much use in thinking about the future unless we make sure that we're thinking about the present.

and to do that, we have to be mindful of this moment, and focus on what we're doing, and then just keep going. each breathe. each stroke. each kick. each second.

struggling.

which is why we spent all that time in training working on our technique. all those hours, days, weeks, months, years, life. staring at the black line at the bottom of the pool. drilling in proper form of hands and arms and shoulders and body and hips and legs and feet and breathing turning and rotating and flipping length after length after length after length until we lost ourselves and our bodies and made ourselves mindless...so that it became mindless and it joined our bodies and it became part of us. all those hours, days, weeks, months, years, life.

because sometimes there are times when we're not strong enough. sometimes there are times when we're not fast enough. sometimes there are times when we're not smart enough. and when no amount of energy or effort is going to make any difference.

because sometimes, our bodies aren't going anywhere but down.

at those times, the only thing that will get us moving forward is the one thing we know that lies beyond our bodies, and that is our technique.

and at those times, it may be the only chance we have of staying afloat, and an only chance is better than none.

and to do that, we have to be mindful--and mindless--of this moment, and focus on what we're doing, and then just keep going.

each breathe. each stroke. each kick. each second.

swimming.

hours. days. weeks. months. years.

life.

2 comments:

Bob Almighty said...

I hear you on this post brother.

jonathan starlight said...

you know it, dude