a rough year

i'm not going to lie. it's been a rough year. i'm not sad to see it go. in fact, i can't help but think that i'm happy to see that the door doesn't hit 2010 as it goes out.

if you ask why, it'll be very hard to explain and very long in the telling. where do i begin so that i can find an end? it's like they say: if you don't know, then nobody can tell you. it's just the kind of thing you can only comprehend by living it, and even then it's incoherent. all you can do is to pick up the pieces to make some sense of it.

it wasn't any one thing specifically. more like a lot of things. a collective everything, that in sum toto was a less-than-pleasurable experience. let's just say i won't look back on this time with much fondness. if anything, i'll endeavor to try and not remember much, if anything, of this past year.

what i will remember, however, are the things that got me through, and the things that kept me on track and and held me together and kept me moving forward, when in all truth i was really running on empty--for a time this past year, i found myself just going through the motions of living but not getting anywhere. not good. felt like my spirit had been sucked right out from me. took awhile to get back from that one.

i learned a lot from this, and i'll keep the lessons for the future, whatever that might be...i just hope it's something better, because i can't take another year like this.

here's what i'm taking with me out of 2010; may it provide you with something to think about for your own lives (and forgive the bad grammar--i'm too tired to really care):

1. positive mental attitude. even when you're less than positive, more than mental, and way beyond attitude. i don't mean being saccharine or pollyannish (which you'll never ever catch me advising, since it takes away from being what you need to be: realistic). it does, however, mean having the mindset of being able to take whatever life is throwing at you. it makes a difference. how, i don't know, but it does.
2. faith. belief. whatever. in something. as i've said before in paraphrasing what a coach once told me: you have to believe in something--maybe others, maybe deities, but at the very least yourself. and you have to believe that you can survive, and that you can prosper.
3. understand. recognize. know. what it is you're doing. why you're doing it. it's important to know how important things are. for others. for yourself. because when everything feels like it's falling apart, it'll be the one thing that keeps your belief.
   
4. work. hard. harder than you've ever worked before. harder than any human being has ever worked before. harder than any creature in the history of creation has ever worked before. and when you think you can't work any harder, work some more. the point is that effort makes a difference. maybe not immediately, maybe not soon, maybe not for a long time, but eventually, ultimately, finally, it will. you have to try.
5. make things count. be efficient. don't waste. if all your effort is going to amount to something, make sure that it does.
   
6. be smart. be resourceful. be creative. there's different ways to deal with any situation. some better than others. you just have to find them.
7. be constructive. whatever you do. there's too much destructive in this world. you need to be the former, not the latter.
   
8. don't be afraid. even if you're alone. even if the world has abandoned you. because you are all you need.
   
9. don't quit. that goes without saying. don't quit. do. not. quit. ever.
10. live your life. live. your. life.
    

on a final note, i'll leave you with what became my theme song for this year. it kept me alight in dark times with a reminder of the spirit that it takes to live (and i mean live, not--as i did for far too long, no matter how briefly--just go through the motions). may it do the same for you:

30 seconds to mars: closer to the edge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAZuKQJRnjY