this is going to hurt

sometimes you go into something that you know you're not going to like. something that you know you don't want to do. something that you know you dread.

something where you think to yourself:

this is going to hurt.

but for some reason, you don't shy away. you don't back out. you don't quit. as much as you think about it. as much as you want to. as much as you probably should.

instead, when the time comes and the starting gun goes off, you charge with everything you have.

and you go through with it anyway.

and somehow, somewhere, at some point in the distance at some point in time, in the middle of what seems forever but in the great scheme of things is really just a mote in a moment in the depths of eternity's mind, you discover that you're more resilient than you thought. and you learn that you're more than you knew. and you become a little bit wiser. a little bit tougher. a little bit deeper. a little bit better.

which is why, for all the bellyaching and whining and complaining and moping and self-pity and and drama, in the end when it's all over

you find that

deep deep deep

far far

long way

down

in places you didn't know before but now have become intimately familiar with

in ways no longer distant but now within easy reach

you actually

find know are

comfortable

even happy

in some ways even relishing

the thought:

this is going to hurt.

a lot.