Wednesday, October 07, 2009

what if

we make choices in life. choices we don't like. choices difficult. choices uncertain. choices with consequences that reverberate throughout our lives with the whispers of what we did, and leave us to wonder forever what if.

what if we had thought what should have been thought?

what if we had said what should have been said?

what if we had done what should have been done?

what if we had taken

the different direction
the other way
the separate path
and gone

what if we had opened that door and proceeded outside and breathed a deep breath and stepped the first step of the only journey that ever really mattered

but we didn't. for lack of knowledge, for lack of diligence, for lack of effort, for lack of resolve, for lack of courage. for whatever myriad reasons that never really matter other than that they remind us of what we missed and call to us of what we lost and tell us that it was ourselves and then leave us to wonder what if

and nothing more.

which is dangerous. it's not good. it's not right. it's not healthy.

because, you see, the danger with what if is that it often means we spend so much of our now looking at our past that we miss the arrival of our future...and its departure with the rest of our lives.

wondering about what might have been means forgetting about what might be--and leaving it forever as exactly that:


ought could should would

of unrealized dreams
of unmet expectations
of unfulfilled hopes
of unlived lives of

ought could should would


when it must need have will


of dreams made real
of expectations exceeded
of hopes surpassed
of lives lived


there's nothing that we can do about what we did. nothing that we can do to change our choices. nothing that we can do about the consequences. what is what was now history.

we can't control the past. all we can do is to endeavor to see it not become our future. and that means we proceed with our now.

and that means we take whatever knowledge diligence effort resolve courage myriad reasons that gives us ourselves and open that door and proceed outside and breathe a deep breath and step the first step of the only journey that ever really matters and


and make of it our life beyond any imagination.


Kristen Lodge said...

I love this. Is it a poem? It sure sounds like one. Beautiful.

jonathan starlight said...

a lot of what i write is a mixture of poetry/prose. i'm not following any convention, i'm just writing what seems right. and i know i'm doing things w language that are not typical, but i think that a lot of what needs to be said goes beyond language, and so needs expression not typical.